Coming Out at Any Age: A Journey, Not a Deadline
The path to being yourself has no expiration date.
note from the editor: Hi, it’s Alisha again- Practice Manager and blog editor. June is Pride Month, so Kimberly thought this would be a timely topic of discussion! I hope you enjoy the read and/or can share it with someone you think may benefit. This post is not just for people who (may) identify as LGBTQ; it’s also for those who want to better understand what their LGBTQ loved ones are going through.
Kimberly provides LGBTQ affirming therapy so if you or a loved one has a need, contact us today to get started. Happy June and Happy Pride! 🏳️🌈🥳 -Alisha Brewster, Practice Manager for Aurora Sun Counseling
There’s a common story many of us have absorbed about coming out: it’s something you do when you’re young. A big moment. Maybe in your teens. Maybe during college. Maybe with a dramatic announcement, a proud social media post, or a teary heart-to-heart at the dinner table.
But here’s the truth: coming out isn’t a deadline. It’s a deep personal journey. It can happen at any age, depending on your situation and comfortability. For some people, that journey starts early. For others, it doesn’t begin until much later in life. And all those timelines are valid.
As a therapist who works with LGBTQ+ clients of different ages, I want to gently push back against the idea that you’re “late” or “behind” if you’re only just starting to come out in adulthood. Or if it hasn’t happened yet because you’re still figuring it out. Or if you’re never out in every space. Or if you feel like you’re not there yet to come out. This post is for you, and it’s also for parents, loved ones, and anyone out there who wants to better understand this process for a special someone.
There’s No Expiration Date on Your Identity
Let’s start by calling out a popular myth: that coming out should happen at a specific time, ideally early in life, and then it’s done. This myth is everywhere! From TV shows to TikTok to well-meaning friends who ask, “Wait, you’re only coming out now?”
The reality is more complicated than that.
People delay coming out for all sorts of valid reasons: fear of rejection, religious or cultural background, safety concerns, family dynamics, lack of language or representation, or just not knowing yet. For some people, especially those with more marginalized identities (queer people of color, disabled folks, neurodivergent individuals), the risks of coming out can be especially high.
You are not “less queer”, or “less real”, if your timeline looks different. You’re not behind. You are arriving right on time for you.
Regardless of the messages you may hear from social media or well-meaning loved ones, there isn’t one specific “right time” to come out- and when someone chooses to come out has zero reflection on that individual or their identity.
Coming Out Is a Process: Not a One-Time Event
Coming out often starts with coming out to yourself. That can be one of the most powerful (and terrifying) steps. It might involve unlearning years of internalized messages, mourning the time you spent hiding, or finally naming something you didn’t have the words for before.
From there, it’s rarely a straight line (no pun intended). Coming out is often a series of moments, spread out over time, with different people and in different contexts. Each of those steps can bring up a mix of emotions: grief, excitement, fear, relief, joy, anger, and freedom.
As a clinician, I often remind clients: the emotional labor of coming out is real. It takes courage to speak your truth, especially in a world that doesn’t always make space for it. It’s okay if you feel overwhelmed. It’s okay if you’re still working it out.
Coming Out Later in Life Feels Different…And That’s Okay!
Coming out as a teenager and coming out in your 30s, 50s, or 70s are not the same experience. That doesn’t make one more “authentic” than the other, it just means they come with different layers.
If you’ve lived much of your life presenting in ways that don’t fully reflect who you are, whether in relationships, careers, or family roles, coming out might bring grief. You may wonder how life could have looked if you’d known (or allowed yourself to know) sooner. You may worry about losing people or redefining your place in the world.
But here’s something I also see all the time in therapy: there is such beauty, strength, and resilience in coming out later. Often, there’s a deeper clarity, a hard-earned self-awareness, and a fierce kind of joy that comes from finally living in alignment with your truth.
To anyone who’s only just starting this process: you are not too late for joy, for love, or for belonging.
Finding Self-Acceptance and Community at Any Age
Coming out is often just the beginning — what follows is an ongoing journey of self-acceptance, healing, and finding your people.
That might mean joining an LGBTQ+ community center or virtual support group. It might mean exploring queer media that reflects your story. It might mean seeking out affirming therapy to work through shame, grief, or internalized messages that have been sitting quietly for years.
No matter where you are on your journey, whether you’re questioning, closeted, newly out, or re-exploring your identity in a new phase of life: you deserve community. You deserve connection. You deserve support.
And for parents or loved ones reading this: your role isn’t to force clarity or rush a timeline. It’s to hold space. To listen without judgment. To honor the bravery that it takes for your child, friend, or partner to share this part of themselves with you.
From Me to You
My name is Kimberly Rivera, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and a Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC). I’ve written a couple of blogs for Aurora Sun Counseling already, and I also provide virtual therapy for LGBTQIA+ individuals, neurodivergent individuals, and anyone navigating identity exploration, and relationship dynamics (including LGBTQIA+ couples!).
Coming out can be layered, emotional, joyful, and challenging. I just wanted to further emphasize that you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether you're newly questioning your identity, coming out later in life, or a parent wanting to understand and support your child better, I’m here to offer affirming care in a space where your truth is honored.
There’s no “right” time to come out. There’s only your time and your journey and exploration deserves to be witnessed with compassion. If you’re looking for support, connection, or just a safe place to process what’s coming up, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
Bye for now and Happy Pride!!! 🌈 -Kimberly